Brief van Neil Strauss,
Hey guys,
I wanted to share some thoughts on an
experience I recently had.
I received a call from two producers on the Dr.
Phil show. They wanted me to come on and
discuss The Game and the community with
Dr. Phil.
However, the more I talked to them, the
more it seemed like a set-up. So I declined.
Instead, they got two of the people in The
Game to participate.
And they did a few sneaky things, according to
those who were on the show:
1. They filmed some guys sarging, but planted
women with secret cameras in the club.
2. They didn't tell one of the PUAs that another
guru was going to be on the show, then they
encouraged the guru to be adversarial. The
result was a PUA slugfest that sounded like a bad
day at Project Hollywood.
3. They brought out a woman at the end of the
show who'd been hurt by a man who was NOT in
the community to confront these guys.
The working title of the segment: WOMEN, BEWARE!
This information just broke my heart. It really infuriates
me.
When I wrote The Game and went on to do the press, I
told myself that I would neither DEFEND nor ATTACK the
seduction community. I'd simply present the truth as it was,
the good and the bad.
However, the more interviews I did, the more I realized I
was going to have to defend something: The right of guys
to learn this.
Anyone who's ever seen the front page of Cosmopolitan
or Sex in the City knows that self-help, sexual improvement,
dating advice, and attraction skills is an accepted rite of
passage for women.
There is no equivalent for men: We are simply shown images
of women we are supposed to desire in the pages of Maxim
and Playboy, then not told what to do about it.
People get tutored for everything else in life. If you can't do
math, you get a tutor. Sex in the City was women getting tutored
in what to do with different types of men. I think the coolest thing
someone could do is recognize their weakness and work to
improve it.
When guys ask me questions, it's usually not about what to do
to trick a woman into bed -- it's about how to get over heart-
break, whether Alexander Technique will improve their posture,
whether improv classes will make them more spontaneous,
what to do about "this one special girl," how to dress, and so on.
Though some of the "gurus" may have their issues, 99.9 percent
of the guys I met learning this are the NICE GUYS. They are the
guys women always say they are looking for, yet at the same
time are never attracted to.
Usually, the true assholes, jerks, and misogynists are too
cocky and arrogant to even consider that they might need
to "learn" how to interact with women.
So anyone who's going to get on a bully pulpit and demonize
men for trying to improve themselves is not a friend of mine.
And any pundit who's going to criticize men for manipulation
when that's exactly what their show producers regularly do to
their guests is not a friend of mine.
The community may have its problems -- especially for those
who get sucked too deeply into it, as I did -- but there's nothing
wrong with learning social skills, if you're learning from the
RIGHT teachers.
The real victims in my experience were not women. The
victims I witnessed, the people I saw hurt by the game, were
only men. Because the game is a forking path: there's a light
side and a dark side, and some get lost in the dark side and
lose themselves -- in addition to creeping out the very women
they're trying to attract.
As a writer, I understand the temptation members of the
media feel to create an obvious sensationalism piece. But
it's far better to do the research and find the REALITY of a
situation -- and it makes a better story. Because the reality
is often never obvious. Sometimes it's the last thing you'd
ever expect. That's what most of my books are about.
I realize this email is sort of a rant, and perhaps I'm
even preaching to the converted, but I had to get it
off my chest. There are some 42,000 of you on this
list. Some of you are in positions of influence or
respect -- whether on campus, in the media, at home,
at work, or in a community.
Let's do our best to counter small-mindedness and social
pressure designed to hold US back because of someone
ELSE'S fear wherever we hear it. Whether it's about learning
the game, a personal attack against you, or something else
you care about, don't take the bait and get defensive. All you
have to do is speak the truth. It's the best weapon you have,
and so sharp that no one can ever bend it if you wield it
properly -- without fear or insecurity.
And that's one to grow on,
Neil
Hey guys,
I wanted to share some thoughts on an
experience I recently had.
I received a call from two producers on the Dr.
Phil show. They wanted me to come on and
discuss The Game and the community with
Dr. Phil.
However, the more I talked to them, the
more it seemed like a set-up. So I declined.
Instead, they got two of the people in The
Game to participate.
And they did a few sneaky things, according to
those who were on the show:
1. They filmed some guys sarging, but planted
women with secret cameras in the club.
2. They didn't tell one of the PUAs that another
guru was going to be on the show, then they
encouraged the guru to be adversarial. The
result was a PUA slugfest that sounded like a bad
day at Project Hollywood.
3. They brought out a woman at the end of the
show who'd been hurt by a man who was NOT in
the community to confront these guys.
The working title of the segment: WOMEN, BEWARE!
This information just broke my heart. It really infuriates
me.
When I wrote The Game and went on to do the press, I
told myself that I would neither DEFEND nor ATTACK the
seduction community. I'd simply present the truth as it was,
the good and the bad.
However, the more interviews I did, the more I realized I
was going to have to defend something: The right of guys
to learn this.
Anyone who's ever seen the front page of Cosmopolitan
or Sex in the City knows that self-help, sexual improvement,
dating advice, and attraction skills is an accepted rite of
passage for women.
There is no equivalent for men: We are simply shown images
of women we are supposed to desire in the pages of Maxim
and Playboy, then not told what to do about it.
People get tutored for everything else in life. If you can't do
math, you get a tutor. Sex in the City was women getting tutored
in what to do with different types of men. I think the coolest thing
someone could do is recognize their weakness and work to
improve it.
When guys ask me questions, it's usually not about what to do
to trick a woman into bed -- it's about how to get over heart-
break, whether Alexander Technique will improve their posture,
whether improv classes will make them more spontaneous,
what to do about "this one special girl," how to dress, and so on.
Though some of the "gurus" may have their issues, 99.9 percent
of the guys I met learning this are the NICE GUYS. They are the
guys women always say they are looking for, yet at the same
time are never attracted to.
Usually, the true assholes, jerks, and misogynists are too
cocky and arrogant to even consider that they might need
to "learn" how to interact with women.
So anyone who's going to get on a bully pulpit and demonize
men for trying to improve themselves is not a friend of mine.
And any pundit who's going to criticize men for manipulation
when that's exactly what their show producers regularly do to
their guests is not a friend of mine.
The community may have its problems -- especially for those
who get sucked too deeply into it, as I did -- but there's nothing
wrong with learning social skills, if you're learning from the
RIGHT teachers.
The real victims in my experience were not women. The
victims I witnessed, the people I saw hurt by the game, were
only men. Because the game is a forking path: there's a light
side and a dark side, and some get lost in the dark side and
lose themselves -- in addition to creeping out the very women
they're trying to attract.
As a writer, I understand the temptation members of the
media feel to create an obvious sensationalism piece. But
it's far better to do the research and find the REALITY of a
situation -- and it makes a better story. Because the reality
is often never obvious. Sometimes it's the last thing you'd
ever expect. That's what most of my books are about.
I realize this email is sort of a rant, and perhaps I'm
even preaching to the converted, but I had to get it
off my chest. There are some 42,000 of you on this
list. Some of you are in positions of influence or
respect -- whether on campus, in the media, at home,
at work, or in a community.
Let's do our best to counter small-mindedness and social
pressure designed to hold US back because of someone
ELSE'S fear wherever we hear it. Whether it's about learning
the game, a personal attack against you, or something else
you care about, don't take the bait and get defensive. All you
have to do is speak the truth. It's the best weapon you have,
and so sharp that no one can ever bend it if you wield it
properly -- without fear or insecurity.
And that's one to grow on,
Neil
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